


Shiro didn't go to space jail for this

by lasersheith



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, crude language, just unapologetic crack, teenagers being teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lasersheith/pseuds/lasersheith
Summary: Lance has an unfortunate encounter with the aftermath of a Robeast. Allura is confused by certain Earth terms. Shiro is viscerally reminded that he is trapped in space with teenagers.





	Shiro didn't go to space jail for this

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trapped in sheith angst hell for a week so I decided to write something really, really stupid to get my mind off of it. Most of this can be blamed on my roommate and their love of... colorful descriptions.

“Oh god! It got in my mouth!” Lance sputtered as he spit out bits of monster and dirt. The rest of the team laughed as he coughed and sputtered. Keith offered him his water canteen, shoulders still shaking with laughter. Lance swiped it and took a large chug, swishing his mouth and spitting it out with a “Blegh!” He took another sip and actually swallowed it before handing the canteen back. “Ugh I’m never gonna get that taste out of my mouth. It’s like I gave Zarkon a rim job.” He made a disgusted face and let his tongue fall forward out of his mouth. Keith grimaced next to him and shook his head. The rest of the human members of the team let out various noises of amused horror.

“Wow, ok. Thank you for that visual, Lance. That was… a lot.” Shiro said, gritting his teeth and looking a little pale. Pidge piped in over the comms from her position a bit farther down the field. “Although, that does beg the question, when did you find the time to give Zarkon a rim job?” Everyone groaned again. Allura opened her mouth to speak, but Keith was quicker to the draw. “Ok, can we please stop talking about Zarkon and rim jobs? I already need like 4 showers.” Hunk’s voice crackled over the comms as well. “Seconded. Also, Lance, you’re fired. Pidge, you were in the running, but your recent comments have disqualified you. Shiro is officially my new best friend.” Pidge cracked up over the mic. “Yeah, that’s fair.” 

Everyone laughed again as Lance sputtered in mock outrage. “Hunk! How could you? This is a dark time for me! I just took a money shot to the face from an exploding Robeast!” Pidge squealed with laughter and nearly fell over. Keith had to grab his sides. Shiro sighed loudly and put his hand over his faceplate. Allura cleared her throat. “I know I’m going to regret this, but what in the world is a rim job?” Everyone howled with laughter. Keith and Pidge actually did fall over and end up gasping in the dirt trying to catch their breath. “Well you see, Princess, when—” Lance started, to everyone’s amusement and horror, before Shiro cut him off. “No! Nope. No. I’m not having this conversation. This isn’t happening to me. I didn’t go to space jail for this.” Shiro took his helmet off and put his hands over his ears as he made his way back to where they parked the lions.


End file.
